Chromatic, I stand on the side of the road
Watching for a car, a truck so I can go.
I’ve got to get myself out of this nothing place
I’ve been running around with a tied shoe lace

What a year it has been
What a year it has been
Lost my love, shed my skin
What a year it has been

There’s a cheer leader squad on the side of the road
Cheering the night now for somewhere to go
There’s me on the corner, the corner is home
Look at the controller we’re about to hit a new zone

What a year it has been
What a year it has been
Lost my love, shed my skin
What a year it has been

Flashing lights from up above
So close, too close was crazy love
So gather up your broken brow
Millions together will do it somehow

What a year it has been
What a year it has been
And as it creeps upon the end
What a year it has been

I’m alright.

Alex Lloyd – ‘What A Year’

Hello.  I’m back.

It’s been a year alright.  Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime.  Maybe I’ll open up just a little to allow the light of cathartic blurb to bleach the tired, dark and disused floorboards.  Or maybe I’ll just make light of it all with a nonchalant flick of neck and hair and deftly change the subject.

Yes, I thought of you.  I toyed with the idea of talking about the weather, or mutual friends.  Food.  Surely we could talk about food?  But even food was too personal to write about.

Quite frankly, there was nothing honest to write about until I knew what the hell was going on.  Now I do and I can write.  I’m released from the deceptive bondage of hope, reconciliation, naivete, and whatever other trappings of stupidity had me ensnared in that sticky, messy cobweb.

I am the one that got away.  I consider myself fortunate to have escaped.  My wings are drying, and I’m ready to do some amazing things.

Now that the dramatic overture has concluded, it’s time for the flashback… dear reader, there is so much you have missed out on!

Charlie started walking before his second birthday, defying all doctors’ prognoses.

I got fit again and ran my first 10km races at pretty respectable times.  Back to a size 8 and I can finally wear my favourite jeans once more.

I made some cool friends.  A couple of whom now feel “life long”, and who love and take care of Charlie and I.

Charlie and I visited Sydney, twice.

My marriage ended.

And I struggled.  And I cried.  And I wanted to make it all better.

I grieved.  I groaned like I was giving birth.  I imagined scenarios that tortured me.  I dug up every good memory and relived it a thousand times.  I beat myself up.  I blamed myself.

And then one day I suddenly didn’t.

I was thinking about other stuff.  Not all of it wholesome.  Not all of it healthy.  But my mind was busy, I was busy, and amazing people started populating my life.

Life is exciting right now.  So incredibly exciting.  I have the built-up-wave feeling on the inside, the ‘potential kinetic energy’ thing building more pressure… good pressure.

Clear the stage….